Change my heart, oh God.

I feel very broken right now. A friend posted this as their Facebook status today: "An iPad, or a new TV? What shall I buy?". It made me sick to my stomach. There were 14 comments, and only two of them (and one was mine) said to give that $500 away to someone in need. One person suggested giving it to a church that is building a new facility (that made me even more sick). 6 comments were by people who I know are Christians, and they were suggesting material things.

It makes me sick mostly because of what God is doing in my heart about money and possessions, but also because I just had a conversation with another friend who just got back from China, where people who have nothing are being persecuted for their faith. The friend who posted this on Facebook is a believer. A true believer, who has a fierce passion to grow closer to the Father's heart. I respect him greatly. But his status is a representation of the American Church. The materialism, the need for things, the achievement of success as defined by the culture. And all the while there are 26,000 people dying today from starvation and preventable diseases. Many of those people die from unclean drinking water. All of which could be solved by the american church if it gave up some of its luxuries. That's right, I didn't say needs. Or even wants. I said luxuries.

I think the reason it made me sick to my stomach is because it reminds me so much of my own heart as well. I mean, my own status at the moment says, "Spontaneous beach trip...this weekend...who's up for it?". Yes, if I do go I will get to spend precious, precious time with my Mobile friends whom I haven't seen in over a year. But, where is the money for this trip coming from? I'll admit that I didn't tithe this past paycheck. After I paid all my bills I didn't have 10% left. However, I did get paid for my 2nd job, even though that check may be tiny. And I have yet to tithe that money since I started that job. Also, I'm feeling a little guilty for buying new things for my church's new facility. The worship team was given $5000 for new equipment, which will be put to good use. However, how many people could that feed?

God is doing some real upheaval in my life, starting with David Platt's sermons in August of 2008, Shane Claiborne's book in December of 2008, and then DP again with Secret Church and his new book Radical the past 2 weeks.

God is breaking my heart for these things, but I am still refusing to act on this brokenness. So, now I'm asking for CHANGE.

CHANGE me Lord! I know for a fact that I can't do it on my own!